That’s right… I’m on play three. I wrote two plays yesterday (and I’m not sharing one of them!). I’m trying to do two a day so that I can have days off if I need them. Plus it would be nice to be done early so I can manage all the website stuff easier. Anyway, today my play is called “To Tuck Or Not To Tuck.” It’s an eight pager…
CLAIRE, BECKY, and DAPHNE next to one another in one row of an airplane. CLAIRE is in the middle seat, BECKY is on the aisle, and DAPHNE sits in the window seat.
CLAIRE Here we go.
BECKY I still can’t believe you’re doing this.
CLAIRE Just stop.
DAPHNE Seriously Becky, the plane has left the airport, there’s no turning back now.
BECKY Oh course there is! We can get to Thailand and she could not go through with it.
DAPHNE That’s ridiculous, after all the money we’ve spent on the trip?
BECKY We’d still get to spend two weeks in Thailand, how is that ridiculous?
DAPHNE No one just wants to go to Thailand.
BECKY I want to go to Thailand! We can relax on the beach, and there are thousands of temples to explore. She doesn’t have to-
CLAIRE (Interrupting) Stop it! I’m sitting right here guys, you don’t have to talk about me like I’m not in the here.
BECKY I’m sorry, I just… All of this, it’s a bad idea.
CLAIRE You’ve said that before.
BECKY It’s going to change your life.
DAPHNE Exactly. That’s exactly what it’s going to do, change her life for the better.
BECKY I thought you were stronger than this Claire…
DAPHNE That’s not fair!
BECKY What if something goes wrong?
DAPHNE Nothing is going to go wrong. They do this every day. My neighbor just got back from a procedure abroad, and had nothing but positive things to day.
BECKY Was the procedure in Thailand?
DAPHNE Well not, but-
BECKY (Interrupting) And have you even looked up the doctor? Do you know who’ll be preforming the surgery?
CLAIRE I did. I know it’s… It’s a woman, I remember that… I can’t think of her name right now, but I know it. She was very highly rated.
BECKY What’s her record?
DAPHNE What’s her record? Are you serious? They don’t keep count! Look, this is something they do each and every day. It’s nothing to worry about.
BECKY It’s surgery! Surgery is always a big deal. What if she gets an infection? Or worse? There are all of those flesh eating viruses popping up all over the place.
DAPHNE Claire, ignore her. Becky has clearly lost her mind.
BECKY Daphne, this stuff happens, things go wrong. Claire, do you really want to die because you just couldn’t live with the way your stomach looks? What would we tell your kids? “Sorry guys, mommy died because of an accident during optional surgery.”
DAPHNE She’s not going to die.
CLAIRE You haven’t had kids yet Becky, you have no idea how much your body changes. I gained over sixty pounds! It’s taken me years to get back in shape.
BECKY And I think that all of that is great, I really do. You look amazing. Why do you need to have the surgery at all? The body will fix itself eventually.
DAPHNE Have you seen her stomach? It looks like she’s wearing a sin apron. That’s not going to go back.
DAPHNE Sorry, it’s true.
CLAIRE It’s not that bad. I just… It’d be nice to not have tuck my stomach into my pants. I don’t need a six pack, or anything fancy… I just want to get rid of all that extra skin. And, hopefully have something that resembles a belly button again.
BECKY Why does it matter what your stomach looks like? Since when did your appearance become the center of your world?
CLAIRE It’s not the center of my world!
BECKY You’re sitting on a plane, flying half way around the world, paying God only knows how much money to have optional surgery.
CLAIRE Stop saying optional surgery. It’s called elective surgery.
DAPHNE Trust me Claire, you’ll feel so much better once all this is taken care of. I know I did. I was a better mom after.
BECKY A better mom? Seriously?
DAPHNE I was happier! I felt more comfortable in my body, I was more confidant, it was the best decision I ever made.
BECKY Do you think you still would have cheated on your husband if you hadn’t gotten plastic surgery?
DAPHNE I can’t believe you’d throw that in my face. I told you that in confidence. That isn’t fair! How dare you-
BECKY (Interrupting) I’m sorry, I know that was harsh. But seriously, think about it. Would you have cheated if it wasn’t for the surgery? I don’t think you would have. Maybe feeling good about your body isn’t all it’s cracked up to be… That’s all I was trying to say.
CLAIRE I’d never cheat.
DAPHNE I didn’t mean to! It just… Happened. I just felt so, sexy. I hadn’t felt sexy in ages and I didn’t think… I don’t know I didn’t think anyone was noticing me. I just put out the sexy vibes because I was feeling so good, it wasn’t until it was too late that… It had nothing to do with the surgery.
BECKY Would it surprise you to know that 4 out of every 5 married people who have plastic surgery cheat on their spouses after?
CLAIRE That can’t be right!
DAPHNE That’s not true, you made that up.
BECKY I did, but I’m sure the actual numbers aren’t far off. Nearly everyone I know who’s had worked done has also cheated.
DAPHNE Who else do you know that’s had work done?
BECKY Lots of people.
CLAIRE Maybe this isn’t such a good idea.
DAPHNE No, it’s a great idea. Ignore her, she looks great because children haven’t gone threw and messed up her body. She doesn’t know what it feels like. And you won’t cheat. I know you.
CLAIRE But what if something does go wrong? What if I die all because of a stupid tummy tuck?
DAPHNE You’re not going to die!
BECKY And think of all the money you’ll be wasting! What if you have another baby, won’t that just put you back where you are now? I mean, are you totally sure that you’re not going to have anymore kids?
DAPHNE She doesn’t want any more kids.
CLAIRE I don’t think I want anymore kids. But, what if I change my mind? Or what if Carl dies and my next husband wants kids… Or if Carl and I divorce… Or if my kids… What if something happens to one of them, or both of them! Would I not be able to have kids for fear I’d mess up my stomach again? What if this all is a big waste of time and money? Oh my God, we’re going to Thailand! What are we doing?
BECKY I’m not going to Thailand.
CLAIRE What do you mean?
BECKY You’re on this plane all alone.
DAPHNE I would never be able to take off for two weeks, the kids are too young.
CLAIRE How am I talking to you then?
DAPHNE You’re in your bed sleeping. Your plane leaves in the morning. Obviously you’re still unsure if you’re going to have the surgery.
BECKY Very unsure.
CLAIRE But if you’re not here… Should I do it?
CLAIRE You’re not being helpful.
DAPHNE Sorry, that’s not really my job. Now if you don’t mind, I need to catch up on my beauty sleep.
DAPHNE leans her head back and closes her eyes.
CLAIRE If you’re just a figment of my imagination, why do you need beauty sleep?
BECKY Who knows, it’s your imagination. I’ve got to go to the bathroom.
BECKY rises and exits.
CLAIRE What am I going to do? Should I go? Should I do it? It doesn’t make me a bad person does it? Does it? Anybody?
End of play.