Rachel Bublitz

Playwright

AUDREY SCARE PEOPLE PLAY

My little girl just wrote her first play! She’s 4 (she’ll be 5 in two weeks). It’s kinda hilarious… I asked her permission and she told me I could post it on my blog! So, here it is….

Audrey Scare People Play

By Audrey Kessinger

Characters:

Scare People, F, very tall, wears a mask, growls, 18 years old. She goes to scare people school. She is an octopus monster with wings.

Audrey, F, 11 years old. Wears monkey pajamas.

Synopsis:

Audrey tries to get Scare People out of her house.

SCARE PEOPLE is in a kitchen. AUDREY enters.

SCARE PEOPLE

GET OUTTA MY HOUSE!

AUDREY

GET AWAY FROM ME RIGHT NOW!

SCARE PEOPLE

I AM GOING TO GO STEAL SOME BUTTER FROM YOU!

AUDREY

Put that butter back right now!

SCARE PEOPLE

I will not, no.

AUDREY

Scare People, don’t think about doing anything else! Don’t think about it!

SCARE PEOPLE

I AM GOING TO GO INTO THE REFRIGERATOR, BECAUSE THE SUN IS RISING!

SCARE PEOPLE goes into the refrigerated, and closes the door. AUDREY opens the refrigerator door, SCARE PEOPLE opens it, this happens several more times.

AUDREY

Go outside! You’re in big trouble, and we’re gonna put you outside and we’re never gonna open the door.

AUDREY shakes with fear. AUDREY gets a pen from a drawer. SCARE PEOPLE opens the door to the refrigerator and sneaks out. AUDREY stabs SCARE PEOPLE with a pen. SCARE PEOPLE puts a band aid on the cut.

SCARE PEOPLE

You lose, I’m gonna stay at your house!

AUDREY stabs SCARE PEOPLE with the pen again. SCARE PEOPLE puts on another band aid.

AUDREY

GET OUT OF MY HOUSE OR I’LL STAB YOU IN THE FACE!

SCARE PEOPLE tries to scratch AUDREY with his claws, but is not successful. AUDREY stabs him again with the pen. SCARE PEOPLE flies up to the ceiling. AUDREY gets a broom out and sweeps SCARE PEOPLE into the trash. SCARE PEOPLE gets out of the trash.

SCARE PEOPLE

YOU’LL HAVE TO DO BETTER THAN THAT!

AUDREY throws shoes at SCARE PEOPLE.

AUDREY

I’LL TRICK YOU, SCARE PEOPLE!

AUDREY gets a stick of butter out of the refrigerator, opens the door and throws the butter out. SCARE PEOPLE doesn’t go out to get the butter. SCARE PEOPLE gets back into the refrigerator and closes the door.

AUDREY (CONTINUED)

Then I won’t go into the refrigerator. I’m going to sleep.

AUDREY exits to go to sleep. End of play.

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